So Iv been really thinking latly why you just walked out again..when you told me you weren’t going anywhere..im so baffled why you keep doing this..I always wanna know whats going through your mind or how you feel about certain situations even if you have nothing nice to say to me..its just how I am. especially with you. look I know we weren’t going to get back together or anything cause I mean I guess things just wouldn’t be the same ..you are a whole different person now..and what keeps me trapped is the memories we have shared with eachother. idk call me irrational or whatever you want but I remember every little thing when we first started dating…every cute thing that has happened between us..when I lost my virginity to you….I knew that it would be the right guy and it just so happened to be that you were that right guy..and im so greatfull for that..our first hug was amazing..it reminded me of a teddy bear cause their so comforting..our fights always made us stronger and made things easier for us to talk ..we became not only lovers but best friends.we told eachother every little thing…friend wise or family wise and no matter what we were always there for eachother. I tried my best to be there for you and help you out when your dad passed..i came to your house as soon as possible..i left school ..I got to stay with you the rest of the school week. I wanted to drop every little thing to make sure I can try to  comfort you in any possible way… when you told me everything would be okay..i believed you ….especially when you said “I love you” and when I told you the same it just was all put together..our endless conversations on the phone being with eachother like every day making yummy food and watching special victims! you gave me butterflies whenever I looked at you..our endless laughs and insides jokes and our kinkiness ahah..I don’t think ill find another guys that I will feel so comfortable with where I did everything with you…and now I think of how we are now…and it does hurt..we didn’t end our break up well..a year of us dating and it was over a text…made me feel worthless…..I then felt used ..my mind was consitantly screwed with…we stopped talking then 5 months later you texted me…I was scared to message you back in all honesty..so we met up and talked about life and stuff ..everything fell right back into place ..I was happy…you were happy…we slept with eachother that day and I was so unhappy about it cause I didn’t wanna be used ..but you told me you would never do that to met and that your not going anywhere and you would prove it…so I believed you..and for awhile you were starting to prove it..the look you gave me was like you were so serious you could get mad at me that I didn’t couldn’t believe you.sooner than you know it we were back saying I love you to eachother…we were both scared ..we started hanging out more and more..we even squeezed in a sleep over!!!we were having fun…then it slowly got weird but whenever we met up again everything was fine!!…then the whole thing with prom happened.it got weird after that..i don’t understand,..you told me you weren’t looking for a serious relationship and I get that cause I wasn’t either ..but the things you said to me ..when you came in me……when you told me one day we will have kids and I said wait really and you said yeah…was that you just in the moment or did you mean it…idkyou were probably just talking out of your ass…you were sending me mixed emotions once again..it didn’t feel okay anymore..and I only want you to be happy…I care a lot about you..and those memories will sting in the back of my head cause your not the same guy when we were happily dating..i think its partly gannons fault …you used to be the anti drug/alcohol /tobacco guy..yeah occationally smoking hookah that was chill..and now your all into smoking tobacco out of pipes…yea something gannon probably got you into..like hes into dipping and what now -__-I don’t get it…about 2 weeks ago you told me not to drink and I wasn’t but first why would you care? and then the next day you can smoke or drink like its nothing..no big deal right..you just seemed like a hyprocrit..I don’t understand your concept..especially cause you didn’t like the fact that I was hanging out with angelicas boyfriends friends and them..but why would it even matter to you…were not dating…you didn’t want to…..and im sorry this is very long but this was needed for my sake…and like I just wish we ended things on a better note and I never told you how I felt when talking cause you didn’t like to talk about this stuff…it made you mad…and like I said I only want you happy…and idk what will happen in the future ..whether were friends or not…I can accept the truth for either being friends or not…I can easily not talk to you again…Im not hurt like I was so I can do it again easily…but that’s pretty much it…I hope all is and will be well..

Wishing I could turn off my humanity..